WHAT THE WHAT!?

TUESDAY, JUNE 16, 2015                           PAGE C1

SOX GLUE STILL HOLDING

RAG-TAG, SALARY-STRETCHED FRANCHISE OK

BY PAT DORWIN

SPORTSWRITER

CHICAGO MORNING SUN

CHICAGO - DON'T BE SURPRISED IF AN UPCOMING EPISODE ON THE LONG-RUNNING TV SHOW "30 ROCK" SHOWS STAR LIZ LEMON (TINA FEY) RETURNING TO HER WINDY CITY ROOTS TO CATCH A GAME OR TWO OF THE HYPNOTIZED WHITE SOX.

WHAT ELSE COULD EXPLAIN CHICAGO'S 39-28 RECORD GOING INTO TONIGHT'S HOME GAME AGAINST CLEVELAND (39-29)?

THE CASH-STRAPPED, ROSTER-SQUEEZED WHITE SOX HAVE TO BE HYPNOTIZED, DON'T THEY?

NOT IN THE ZOMBIE WAY, EITHER.

MORE IN THE WAY FEY'S CHARACTER MIGHT SHOUT OUT, "WHAT THE WHAT!?" DURING SOME TELEVISION QUANDARY SHE ENCOUNTERS.

A FRANCHISE THAT WAS SO CASH-POOR THAT ITS CLASS AAA AND AA TEAMS HAD TO BE FILLED WITH A LONG-LIST OF MLB CAST-OFFS AND STUCK-IN-THE MUD MINOR-LEAUGERS IS NOW TIED WITH THE MIGHTY TWINS FOR FIRST-PLACE IN THE AL CENTRAL?

WHAT THE WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, ANYWAY?

CHICAGO IS ALMOST $25 MILLION OVER ITS 2015 PAYROLL - SO MLB WON'T LET IT SIGN ANY FREE AGENTS (OR RECENT DRAFT PICKS). ONE THOUGHT THAT WOULD LEAD TO A COUPLE OF THINGS: A VERY POOR SOX SQUAD THAT SAW ITS GAMES SIMMED.

SIMMED THEY HAVE BEEN, BUT THE TEAM'S BEEN FAR FROM POOR. LET'S HOPE THAT'S THE NORM (NORM!), BECAUSE THIS IS A FRANCHISE THAT'S GOING TO BE WEARING MILKBONE UNDERWEAR AND TREATED LIKE (UNDER)DOGS FOR THE NEXT FEW SEASONS.

WHAT THE WHAT, INDEED.